A Wonderful Life as I meet up with Clarence the Angel
Further along, in the summer of 2010, I decided to take a trip to visit my relatives in Georgia. It had been a long while since I had seen them; my dearest brother Nicky had just transitioned into spirit on June 25, and I was really feeling downtrodden. Again, I just couldn't figure out why all this calamity was happening in my life. Within the span of 9 months, I had lost Glenn, then my dearest Uncle Charlie, and then Nicky. These were the three men I had been closest to, in my entire life. - Nicky and Charlie had been part of the family, even before I was born! (In fact, I was once engaged to "Uncle" Charlie, but that would be another inspirational story, for another time.)
So anyway, in the midst of feeling the deepest pain of loss, I thought that a trip to spend time with my nieces and nephews would cheer me up.
I was very upset with God, that He would put me through the grief of this third loss. After all, my brother Nicky was supposed to have recovered from his illness. His room at my house was already prepared for his return.
Therefore, in spite of the fact that I had felt God had been calling me to return to the peace of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was not ready yet. I just did not intend to let go of my anger so easily and I kept ignoring His calls to seek out the Peace that only He can provide.
So there I was, sitting on this US Airways flight to Atlanta, waiting for boarding to be completed when I noticed this rather short man come down the aisle. He had a shaved head, much like Glenn's and was wearing a burnt orange color shirt, the same style and color Glenn might have worn. He sat down further in front. And once he was out of my view, I was immediately thankful that the brief memory of Glenn was over!
I was sitting to the left of the aisle, sharing the row with a passenger in the window seat to my left. During announcements to buckle up, I decided to move to a row on the right that was two rows back, but completely empty. This would mean that I would have more room for my thoughts and my legs during the 4 hour flight.
And there I sat, looking out the window, openly but quietly crying tears over the seasons of my life. I just was NOT supposed to be in this situation. I had always been a "good" person. - A product of strict parents, Italian neighborhood godfathers, and too many Jewish grandmothers to mention. And I knew that God KNEW I was angry at Him again. And I just was not ready to heed His call and give up my anger.
In fact, I was sitting there at that moment, identifying with James Stewart in the movie, "It's A Wonderful Life," - and I was oh so ready to jump into the frozen river and not be found until the thaw of spring!
For much like Jimmy, I felt that I had done nothing but good deeds my whole life through; given up my personal wishes for the sake of my marriage, been as beautiful a lover as I am a writer, :) - and had been faithful to Glenn, beyond question. And there were two wonderful sons who also did not deserve to be going through this; losing house and home, over an affair. I had always been so prudent when it came to money. I just hadn't thought that Glenn would desert me in this manner.
So there I was, quietly lashing out at God, with both barrels, while considering my demise; and perhaps my last view of His great creation from 32,000 feet above the earth.
But while I thought I was running away, I soon found out that God had me right where He wanted me. For soon, here comes that man down the aisle. THAT man, who fashioned himself after Glenn. He was moving slowly, as if he didn't know the lavatory was behind the last row, in the back. Stupid man. Then he stopped. He had come to my row and stopped. He moved his hand from the back of the seat he was using to steady himself, and I saw he was holding the book, "The Purpose Driven Life." That's when I knew I was in trouble.
There were some comments made; and I assure you that I was madder still! So with a tear stained face I continued to lash out at this man -and God. Because I was not very pleased that he sat down next to me with his silly old "Purpose Driven Life" book on his lap. But he ignored my rudeness. Instead, he softly introduced himself, telling me his name was Clarence. And proceeded to tell me that he had been urged by the Spirit to walk toward the back of the plane and then told to stop at my row. Well needless to say, I lost it. I started crying the tears I had started trying to suppress when he got to my row. And I surrendered to my God. - Because now, for those of you who do not know, Clarence was the name of the angel that came to Jimmy Stewart and stopped Jimmy from jumping into the river.
This is how quick God can be with me sometimes. And I find it rather amusing; how He is able to do this with me at any time He so chooses!
For there I was stuck on a plane; 32,000 feet above the earth; and the Spirit had sent me an Angel named Clarence to comfort and convict me.
Needless to say, I have not seen That man, Clarence, again. For he was on that plane as a transfer passenger from another flight; or so he claimed. Sometimes he will call and pray with me over the phone, keeping me honest toward my God. Funny how he appeared in my life.
- I also find it funny how I saved every one of the souls on board that plane that day. And they do not even know it! For I felt that if I hadn't listened to the Spirit at that moment, when He had cornered me 32,000 feet above His great creation, surely, He would've have brought that plane down in fiery judgement against my hardened heart. And I would have been responsible for the deaths of all the other souls on board!
So, I listened to Clarence; good and hard that day. And was relieved and very thankful when that plane landed on solid ground. And you can bet that I followed through on my promises made- and when I got back home, I returned to God's church, found elders to pray with; and found fulfillment and inspiration in the fellowship of my brothers and sisters in Christ.
So anyway, in the midst of feeling the deepest pain of loss, I thought that a trip to spend time with my nieces and nephews would cheer me up.
I was very upset with God, that He would put me through the grief of this third loss. After all, my brother Nicky was supposed to have recovered from his illness. His room at my house was already prepared for his return.
Therefore, in spite of the fact that I had felt God had been calling me to return to the peace of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was not ready yet. I just did not intend to let go of my anger so easily and I kept ignoring His calls to seek out the Peace that only He can provide.
So there I was, sitting on this US Airways flight to Atlanta, waiting for boarding to be completed when I noticed this rather short man come down the aisle. He had a shaved head, much like Glenn's and was wearing a burnt orange color shirt, the same style and color Glenn might have worn. He sat down further in front. And once he was out of my view, I was immediately thankful that the brief memory of Glenn was over!
I was sitting to the left of the aisle, sharing the row with a passenger in the window seat to my left. During announcements to buckle up, I decided to move to a row on the right that was two rows back, but completely empty. This would mean that I would have more room for my thoughts and my legs during the 4 hour flight.
And there I sat, looking out the window, openly but quietly crying tears over the seasons of my life. I just was NOT supposed to be in this situation. I had always been a "good" person. - A product of strict parents, Italian neighborhood godfathers, and too many Jewish grandmothers to mention. And I knew that God KNEW I was angry at Him again. And I just was not ready to heed His call and give up my anger.
In fact, I was sitting there at that moment, identifying with James Stewart in the movie, "It's A Wonderful Life," - and I was oh so ready to jump into the frozen river and not be found until the thaw of spring!
For much like Jimmy, I felt that I had done nothing but good deeds my whole life through; given up my personal wishes for the sake of my marriage, been as beautiful a lover as I am a writer, :) - and had been faithful to Glenn, beyond question. And there were two wonderful sons who also did not deserve to be going through this; losing house and home, over an affair. I had always been so prudent when it came to money. I just hadn't thought that Glenn would desert me in this manner.
So there I was, quietly lashing out at God, with both barrels, while considering my demise; and perhaps my last view of His great creation from 32,000 feet above the earth.
But while I thought I was running away, I soon found out that God had me right where He wanted me. For soon, here comes that man down the aisle. THAT man, who fashioned himself after Glenn. He was moving slowly, as if he didn't know the lavatory was behind the last row, in the back. Stupid man. Then he stopped. He had come to my row and stopped. He moved his hand from the back of the seat he was using to steady himself, and I saw he was holding the book, "The Purpose Driven Life." That's when I knew I was in trouble.
There were some comments made; and I assure you that I was madder still! So with a tear stained face I continued to lash out at this man -and God. Because I was not very pleased that he sat down next to me with his silly old "Purpose Driven Life" book on his lap. But he ignored my rudeness. Instead, he softly introduced himself, telling me his name was Clarence. And proceeded to tell me that he had been urged by the Spirit to walk toward the back of the plane and then told to stop at my row. Well needless to say, I lost it. I started crying the tears I had started trying to suppress when he got to my row. And I surrendered to my God. - Because now, for those of you who do not know, Clarence was the name of the angel that came to Jimmy Stewart and stopped Jimmy from jumping into the river.
This is how quick God can be with me sometimes. And I find it rather amusing; how He is able to do this with me at any time He so chooses!
For there I was stuck on a plane; 32,000 feet above the earth; and the Spirit had sent me an Angel named Clarence to comfort and convict me.
Needless to say, I have not seen That man, Clarence, again. For he was on that plane as a transfer passenger from another flight; or so he claimed. Sometimes he will call and pray with me over the phone, keeping me honest toward my God. Funny how he appeared in my life.
- I also find it funny how I saved every one of the souls on board that plane that day. And they do not even know it! For I felt that if I hadn't listened to the Spirit at that moment, when He had cornered me 32,000 feet above His great creation, surely, He would've have brought that plane down in fiery judgement against my hardened heart. And I would have been responsible for the deaths of all the other souls on board!
So, I listened to Clarence; good and hard that day. And was relieved and very thankful when that plane landed on solid ground. And you can bet that I followed through on my promises made- and when I got back home, I returned to God's church, found elders to pray with; and found fulfillment and inspiration in the fellowship of my brothers and sisters in Christ.